I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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