Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
