At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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