Girls should come with a carfax report
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
