There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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