Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
