This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
