Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
