The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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