I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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