I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
