What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
