All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
