Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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