we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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