I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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