Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
