Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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