hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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