Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
