My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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