does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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