She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
