Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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