last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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