Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
