My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
is it fun? or sober?
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