It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
