OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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