so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize