So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
cat food counts as protein by the way
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
