peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.