Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.