made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.