Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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