I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
