You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
