Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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