How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
