i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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