: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
