he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
