Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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