your thong is hanging out like whoa
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
