this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
