Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
