Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Boobs are out for the taking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
