Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
