with your own penis?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
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he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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