so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
