i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just cropdusted the office
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
