There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You smell like stripper and shame
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
