I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
