I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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