im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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