I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
