he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
