He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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