:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
