Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
