just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
