too bad you live with your parents still
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
