Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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