bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
