He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
