u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just invented taco cereal.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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