i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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