I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
