I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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