i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
