Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
