all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
