Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
