it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
