ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
