we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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