she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
