new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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