the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
