No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize