My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
