I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
