the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
