i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
