last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
