It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
