final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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