Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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