Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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