and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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