bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
